Manipulators - Part 1. How to identify them

My comprehensive guide to psychological manipulation techniques, will help you identify manipulators, learn their most common tactics, and protect yourself from harmful behaviours. Perfect for anyone seeking to understand manipulative behaviour in personal or professional relationships.

Before diving into this important topic, I’d like to share that I’ve personally encountered many of the manipulative behaviours mentioned below, from individuals seeking something from me—of course, I do NOT accept them in my life.

Given how complex life has become, the manipulative behaviours and related disorders continue to rise dramatically!

Now, let’s look into the valuable information, without further commentary from me.

1 Characteristics – Tactics

1. Changing You & your Life: Manipulators do not accept others as they are because they want control over the relationship. Instead of respecting other's individuality, boundaries, and lifestyle, they will try to change them to better fit their own needs, desires, or insecurities, acting like they know what’s “best” for the other person.

2. Deceptiveness: They often lie or distort the truth to make things appear in their favour or manipulate a situation.

3. Charm and Flattery: They often come across as charming or excessively flattering to win people over before manipulating them.

4. Inconsistency: Their actions and words can be contradictory, leaving you confused and unsure of their true intentions.

5. Blame Shifting (projection): They rarely take responsibility for their actions, instead blaming others for their mistakes or shortcomings.

6. Love Bombing: They overwhelm you with affection or attention to gain your trust and make you feel indebted.

7. Mirroring: Α tactic where the manipulator imitates the victim’s thoughts, points of view, feelings, and behaviours to create a false sense of connection, trust, safety, the idea that the victim found the “perfect one”, and then they take control.

8. Pushing Relationships Too Fast: Manipulators often accelerate the pace of a romantic relationship to create emotional dependence and control, making it harder for their partner to assess the situation or set healthy boundaries.

9. Playing the Victim: They act as though they are the victim, to gain sympathy & control over others.

10. Drama: they create drama to distract or control you.

11. Exaggeration: They overstate situations to create pressure, anxiety, or guilt, using dramatic overstatements to manipulate emotions and control reactions.

12. Infantilizing: A manipulative tactic where the manipulator treats the victim as if they are less capable or childish, undermining their confidence and reducing their trust in their own abilities. (think about TV…)

13. Overprotection: They discourage you from doing things under the pretence of keeping you safe, limiting your independence and freedom.

14. Boundary Testing: They push limits to see how much they can get away with, creating anxiety and gradually increasing control, disregardιng the other person's comfort, autonomy, and well-being.

15. Emotional Blackmail: They use your emotions against you to get what they want, often making you feel responsible for their feelings or well-being.

16. Guilt-Tripping: They make others feel guilty for not meeting their demands, or for setting boundaries.

17. Persistent Pushiness and Rushing: They constantly pressure you to make quick decisions by limiting your time to think clearly, rushing you into choices that benefit them.

18. Competitiveness: They try to belittle or surpass others in order to feel superior.

19. Gossiping/Smear Campaigns/Character Assassination: They spread negative or personal information to damage your reputation and turn others against you.

20. Passive Aggressiveness: They expresses negative feelings indirectly, often through sarcasm, procrastination, or the silent treatment, to avoid direct confrontation while still creating confusion and frustration.

21. Remaining Calm and Composed: After saying something triggering , they remain calm to use your reactions against you and imply you’re out of line. In different situations, they use this tactic to mask their true intentions, without revealing their emotional agenda.

22. Playing Dumb: They pretend not to understand or act clueless to avoid responsibility, frustrate others, or manipulate situations to their advantage.

23. Feigning Helplessness: They pretend to be incapable to gain sympathy or avoid responsibility, making others take over their tasks.

24. Generalizations: Making comments about specific groups of people is a manipulative tactic used to stereotype or label others, often aimed at creating division, reinforcing biases, or shifting blame onto a particular group.

25. Changing the subject: A manipulative tactic used to deflect attention from valid points or compliments, making the victim feel devalued and preventing them from gaining confidence, while reinforcing the manipulator's control.

26. Deflection & Switch-tracking: They shift blame to avoid accountability, creating confusion and derailing conversations.

27. Sexual Manipulation: Using sex as a tool for control, guilt, coercion, or emotional leverage to influence behaviour and gain power in a relationship.

28. Isolation: They try to isolate you from friends, family, or support systems to make you more dependent on them. They will not hesitate to accuse people from your safe environment, for made-up reasons.

29. Ultimatums: They use threats to end a relationship or impose consequences if their victim doesn't change their behaviour or attitude.

30. Location Advantage: Α manipulative tactic where they take you out of your comfort zone or familiar environment to make you feel anxious, fearful, or powerless, so they can take control.

31.Control: They want to control situations, people, or outcomes, and they undermine your sense of autonomy.

32. Time Dominance: They control the duration of interactions to their advantage, either cutting them short to limit your input or dragging them out to exhaust you.

33. Constant interrupting: it serves to dominate the conversation, undermine the victim's confidence, and assert control by preventing them from expressing themselves fully.

34. Manipulative Negotiation: They use emotional tactics, false information, or strategic deception to gain an advantage in negotiations.

35. Social Scalping: They exaggerate their contributions to create a sense of indebtedness, pressuring others into feeling obligated to repay them.

36. Negative Predictions: They predict a negative outcome for you, as a way to control or manipulate your behaviour. Eg “don’t come to me when that happens to you”(what they predict).

37. Slippery Slope: A manipulation tactic where someone exaggerates a minor issue, suggesting that it will inevitably lead to disastrous consequences.

38. Unsolicited Advice: A manipulative tactic where someone offers advice you didn't ask for, often making you feel inferior or incapable.

39. Bribery: A manipulation tactic where someone offers something of value to get you to comply with their demands, costing you something valuable (feelings, time, activities, etc.).

40. Appealing to Authority: They claim higher moral standards, or reference authority figures, to back up their point of view or demands.

41. Distorting Needs: Twisting others’ desires, boundaries, or emotional needs to make them seem selfish, unreasonable, or harmful, fostering guilt and compliance.

42. Playing on Your Sympathy: They evoke sympathy to gain support, especially when they’re in a tight spot of their own making.

43. Using Silence or Withdrawal: When they don’t get their way, they use silence or withdrawal of affection to punish you or manipulate you into action.

44. Gaslighting: They deny facts or twist reality to make you doubt your perception, memory, or sanity.

45. Paltering: Α manipulative tactic where someone tells the truth but withholds key details, creating a misleading impression to appear honest while hiding important information.

46. Creating Chaos: They cause confusion or instability to keep you off-balance and more easily influenced.

47. Exploitation: They use any vulnerabilities you may have against you to influence your behaviour or decisions.

48. Backstabbing: They use this act of betraying someone's trust by secretly undermining or harming them, often while pretending to be supportive, for personal gain.

49. Circular Arguments: They often engage in circular arguments to confuse or wear you down.

50. Making You Feel Inadequate: They can subtly or overtly make you feel like you’re not enough, pushing you to prove yourself or cater to their needs.

51. Ordering (aka Making Demands): A manipulative tactic where someone expects you to comply with their requests without excuses or hesitation.

52. Wearing Down: A manipulative tactic where someone tires you out with repeated demands or arguments until you eventually give in.

53. Aggressive Humour: It involves hurtful, sarcastic jokes and comments designed to make the manipulator feel superior.

54. Triangulation: Triangulation is a manipulation tactic where a person uses a third party to create conflict, jealousy, or insecurity, often to control the situation. For example, someone may involve-use a new friend to stir tension between others.

55. Reverse Psychology: Α tactic where they encourage their victim to do something by suggesting the opposite, tapping into their desire to resist be autonomous or nonobedient.

56. Negging: A manipulative tactic where someone undermines another’s confidence through backhanded compliments or mild insults, making them seek validation. Especially in social media.

57. Playing on Your Fears: They can exploit your insecurities or fears to get you to comply with their wishes.

58. Entitlement: Manipulative individuals usually feel entitled to special treatment or to get what they want without considering others' needs.

2 How Manipulators Use Money and Power to Manipulate Others

1. Using Money and Gifts to Buy Compliance: Manipulators give gifts or financial support with the expectation of receiving love, affection or loyalty in return, creating a cycle of control and dependency.

2. Creating Financial Dependency and Control: They encourage financial dependency by taking control of shared finances, withholding support, or threatening to withdraw financial assistance. This creates a power imbalance, making it harder for the partner to make independent decisions or leave the relationship. They use these tactics as a form of punishment or to intimidate the partner into compliance.

3. Debt Manipulation and Encouraging Irresponsible Spending: Manipulators pressure their partner into taking on debt or making unnecessary purchases, creating financial dependency and guilt. This gives the manipulator leverage to control and manipulate the partner.

4. Guilt-Tripping and Creating False Obligations: They use money to make their partner feel guilty for spending, even on necessities, and create a false sense of indebtedness, making the partner feel obligated to comply with their demands.

5. Gaslighting and Dismissing Financial Concerns: Manipulators downplay or invalidate their partner's concerns about money, making them feel irrational or crazy for noticing financial manipulation, often by dismissing their worries as overreactions.

6. Rewriting Financial History: Manipulators may deny or distort past financial decisions to avoid accountability or to make their partner doubt their judgment.

7. Using Authority: Manipulators may use their position of power (e.g., in the workplace or home) to control decisions and dominate the relationship.

8. Social and Family Power: Using social connections or family influence to control or manipulate, often through threats or blackmail.

9. Undermining Career or Educational Goals: Discouraging or preventing the partner from pursuing career or educational opportunities to maintain control over their life.

10. Sabotaging Professional Success: Actively undermining the partner’s career prospects or reputation to keep them dependent or controlled.

3 The 4 Stages of Manipulation

1. FlatteryFlattery involves giving someone special attention, such as compliments or gifts, to gain trust and create a false sense of security.

2. IsolationOnce trust is established, manipulators use isolation tactics to make the victim feel dependent and helpless, often criticizing other relationships to control interactions.

3. Devaluing & GaslightingManipulators devalue the victim through criticism and gaslighting to distort reality, eroding self-esteem and increasing dependency, though occasional flattery may continue to confuse.

4. Fear or ViolenceIn the final stage, manipulators may become violent or threatening to maintain control, leaving the victim emotionally drained and vulnerable to further harm.

4 Different areas where Manipulation is used (besides relationships, friendships, workplaces)

1. Politics & Media: Fear-mongering, misinformation, and emotional appeals shape public opinion. (Social Engineering)

2. Marketing & Sales: Scarcity, guilt, and social proof influence consumer behaviour.

3. Social Media: Influencers, trolls, and users distort reality and spread false narratives.

4. Religion & Cults: Fear, guilt, and promises of salvation control followers.

5. Legal & Criminal Systems: Coercion, intimidation, and emotional tactics sway outcomes.

6. Education: Teachers, institutions, or students manipulate rules and expectations for personal gain.

5 The Reasons Why they use Manipulation

1. Fear & insecurity: They sometimes use manipulation out of insecurity or fear, especially fear of abandonment or neglect, judgment, trouble accepting their flaws, need to show self-worth to avoid blame.

2. Poor Communication Skills: Some people struggle with direct communication, as past experiences led to trouble. Others may have grown up with parents who used manipulative communication, affecting how they interact.

3. Getting Their Way: At the core of most manipulation is the desire to have their needs, wants, or desires met, even at the expense of others' well-being.

4. Control & Power – Gaining dominance over people or situations.

5. Seeking Validation – Using manipulation to gain praise or approval.

6. Personal Gain – Exploiting others for financial, social, or emotional benefits.

7. Breaking Boundaries – Weakening others’ limits to increase influence.

8. Eroding Autonomy – Making others dependent on them for decisions.

9. Maintaining Superiority – Keeping others feeling inferior to boost their own status.

10. Avoiding Responsibility – Shifting blame to escape consequences.

11. Emotional Control – Keeping others anxious or uncertain for easier influence.

12. Winning Sympathy – Playing the victim to gain support.

13. Creating Dependence – Ensuring others rely on them emotionally, financially, or socially.

14. Protecting Their Image – Maintaining a false façade of kindness or superiority.

15. Boosting Their Ego – Manipulating perceptions to feel important or admired.

16. Isolating Others – Cutting off support systems (family, friends, co-workers, therapists, etc.) to increase control.

17. Exploiting Resources – Taking advantage of others’ time, money, feelings, or energy.

18. Avoiding Consequences – Escaping accountability for their actions.

19. Using Guilt & Fear – Pressuring others into compliance through negative emotions.

20. Extracting Secrets – Gaining personal information for later use.

21. Creating Conflict – Stirring division for personal advantage, and chaos.

22. Seeking Revenge – Manipulating others to get back at perceived wrongs.

That was the first part of my article for the Manipulative people. Read the second part where I analyse

· Who become targets of manipulators & why

· How manipulators can cause harm in our lives & health

· How to protect ourselves in a relationship with a manipulator

· The 9 available Therapy approaches for the Manipulators

Extremely interesting & useful topics!

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Loads of Love,

Thomais

Internationally Certified Holistic Therapist

Member of IPHM

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