Manipulators – Part 2. Who are their Victims, How they can Harm us, How to Protect Ourselves, Therapy.

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Having examined in detail how to recognise manipulative people and all their tactics, let’s now move directly to who become their victims, how they can harm our lives and health, how we can protect ourselves from manipulation, and the available therapies.*If you haven't already done so, I suggest reading the first part first, in order to gain a clearer understanding of the second.

1 Who become Victims of Manipulators & Why

-Empathetic: Manipulators target those who are compassionate and sensitive to others’ feelings, as they’re more likely to accommodate others at their own expense.

-Trusting: People who trust easily are more susceptible to manipulation, as they’re less likely to question the intentions of others.

-Sensitive: Sensitive individuals feel deeply affected by others’ actions, making them easier to control through emotional triggers.

-Vulnerable: Vulnerability can make individuals more open to manipulation, as they may seek validation or support, often in unhealthy ways.

-With low self-esteem: They are easier to manipulate because they may feel undeserving of better treatment or hesitate to stand up for themselves.

-With excessive sense of duty and responsibility: Individuals with an overdeveloped sense of duty may prioritize others' needs over their own, making them easy targets for those who exploit this tendency.

-With blurred sense of identity: A lack of clear self-identity makes it easier for manipulators to influence decisions, as these individuals may struggle to assert their own needs and desires.

-With lack of assertiveness and inability to say “no”: People who have difficulty setting boundaries or saying “no” are prime targets for manipulation, as manipulators can take advantage of their inability to assert themselves.

-Emotionally dependent: Those who rely heavily on others for emotional support are often vulnerable to manipulation, as manipulators can exploit their need for affection and validation.

as these traits make it easier to control or exploit their emotions and actions for personal gain.

2How manipulators can harm our lives  & health

-Emotional Drain: Constant manipulation wears down your emotional energy, leaving you feeling exhausted, confused, or anxious.

-Low Self-Esteem: Manipulators often use tactics like gaslighting or criticism, which can make you doubt your worth and abilities.

-Chronic Stress: Being around someone who constantly plays mind games can trigger prolonged stress, which harms physical health over time.

-Isolation: Manipulators may try to control who you interact with, cutting you off from supportive relationships and leaving you feeling alone.

-Decision Paralysis: Their influence can make you second-guess yourself so much that you struggle to make even simple decisions.

3 How to protect ourselves in a relationship with a Manipulator

*same apply to all kinds of relationships, personal, or not.

-Recognize Manipulation Tactics: Understand the manipulative behaviours your partner is using (e.g., gaslighting, guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail). Awareness is the first step to protecting yourself.

-Set Clear Boundaries: Be firm about your personal boundaries, and communicate them clearly. Stand by your limits, even if your partner tries to push or undermine them.

-Don’t Engage in Arguments: If your partner is being manipulative or trying to provoke an emotional reaction, avoid arguing. Walk away or calmly state that you’re not willing to engage in that type of conversation.

-Trust Your Instincts: If something feels wrong or off in the relationship, don’t ignore your feelings. Trust your gut and assess the situation logically, even if your partner tries to convince you otherwise.

-Seek Outside Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide an objective perspective. Manipulative partners often isolate you, so it’s important to maintain strong outside relationships for emotional support.

-Don’t Accept Blame: Manipulators often deflect blame onto their partner. If your partner tries to make you feel guilty or responsible for their behaviour, remind yourself that you're not to blame for their actions.

-Maintain Emotional Independence: Don’t let your partner define your emotions or sense of self-worth. Build emotional resilience and self-esteem by focusing on self-care and positive relationships outside of the partnership.

-Practice the "Broken Record" Technique: If your partner continues to pressure you or try to manipulate you into agreeing with them, calmly and consistently repeat your position. For example, “I’ve said no, and I’m not changing my mind.”

-Be Assertive: Communicate your feelings and needs clearly and confidently. Practice saying “no” without feeling guilty, and stand up for yourself without being aggressive.

-Create Distance: If you feel overwhelmed or manipulated, leave. Emotional or physical distance can give you space to think clearly and regain perspective on the situation.

-Document Manipulative Behaviour: If you’re being gaslighted or subjected to other forms of manipulation, keep a journal of the incidents. This will help you see patterns, and remind you of reality when the manipulator tries to confuse you.

-Question Their Motives: When your partner tries to make you feel guilty or obligated, ask yourself why they might be doing this. Often, manipulation is a tactic to get what they want at your expense.

-Stay Calm in the Face of Emotional Manipulation: Manipulative partners may try to make you feel sorry for them or use emotional outbursts to get their way. Stay calm and don’t get swept up in their emotional drama.

-Learn to Say No Without Guilt: A manipulative partner may try to guilt-trip you into doing things you don’t want to do. Practice saying no assertively, without justifying or apologizing.

-Limit Personal Vulnerabilities: Be cautious about sharing personal information or weaknesses with a manipulative partner, as they may use this information against you in the future.

-Seek Therapy or Counselling: Individual or couples therapy can help you identify manipulation patterns and address any underlying issues. A therapist can also help you learn healthy communication strategies.

-Focus on Self-Care: Take time to nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health. Healthy habits will help you maintain clarity and resist manipulation.

-Be Honest About Your Needs: Communicate your needs in the relationship and don't settle for less than what you deserve. If your partner isn’t willing to meet your needs in a respectful way, it's a “red flag”.

-Trust Your Support System: Don’t be afraid to lean on friends, family, or a therapist if you’re struggling. A support system can offer guidance and help you break free from manipulation.

-Leave the Relationship!: If your partner's manipulation continues and harms your mental, emotional, physical, health & well-being, and you're unable to establish healthy boundaries, walking away is the healthiest decision. Even if it’s hard (!!!).

4 Available approaches of Therapy for Manipulative Behaviours: 

  Manipulators can be treated and, in some cases, work through their behaviours with professional help. However, the process is often challenging and depends on the individual’s willingness to acknowledge and change their manipulative behaviour. Manipulation is sometimes linked to deeper emotional or psychological issues, such as low self-esteem, narcissistic traits, or personality disorders, which may require long-term treatment.

-Psychotherapy (Talk Therapy):

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy): Helps identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours.

• DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy): Focuses on emotional regulation and improving relationships, especially for those with traits like borderline personality disorder (BPD).

-Behavioural Therapy: Focuses on changing manipulative behaviours through reinforcement, particularly for learned patterns.

-Cognitive Restructuring: A therapy technique to challenge and change distorted thinking, helping individuals adopt healthier ways of interacting.

-Mindfulness & Emotional Regulation: Practices like meditation and deep breathing help individuals control manipulative impulses and develop empathy.

-Addressing Narcissistic Traits: Therapy helps individuals with narcissistic tendencies develop empathy and address entitlement or lack of empathy.

-Building Self-Esteem & Self-Awareness: Therapy and self-reflection help individuals build self-worth, reducing the need for manipulation to gain validation.

-Individual Therapy: One-on-one sessions allow exploration of the root causes of manipulative behaviour, such as trauma or insecurity, and provide space for emotional growth.

-Group Therapy: Provides structured interaction with others, offering feedback to help manipulators develop empathy, self-awareness, and better communication.

-Couples Therapy: Helps partners address manipulation dynamics, improve communication, and work on unhealthy relationship patterns, with both partners’ commitment.

-Family Therapy: Involves the family in understanding manipulation’s roots and improving communication and healthy interaction.

-Medication: Used when manipulation is linked to underlying mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders.

-Behavioural Contracts: Formal agreements that set clear expectations for behaviour change and hold the manipulator accountable.

-Support Groups: Groups for personality disorders or emotional regulation offer community support and connection for healing.

*I personally consider Cognitive and Behavioural Therapy to be the most suitable and effective, provided the therapist is properly trained and experienced.

Key Points About Treatment:

-Willingness to Change: Successful treatment depends heavily on the manipulator's willingness to recognize their behaviour and work on change. If they are not willing to admit they have a problem, therapy may be less effective.

-Long-Term Process: Overcoming manipulative behaviour often requires consistent, long-term effort. It is not a quick fix, and progress may be slow and incremental.

-Support System: Therapy is often more successful if the manipulative person has a strong support system, including family, friends, or a romantic partner, who can encourage positive change and provide feedback.

-Personality Disorders: Manipulative behaviour can be linked to deeper personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD). Treatment for these conditions is more complex and may require long-term therapy, including specialized approaches like DBT.

  With this article, we have covered everything you need to guide you in managing manipulative behaviours in your life. I hope this has been helpful.I kindly remind you to read the first part of the article for a complete understanding of the topic.

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Loads of Love,

Thomais

Internationally Certified Holistic Therapist

Member of IPHM

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